Woah, sorry about that, I lost my cool there for a sec. But what I said in the midst of my tantrum was in fact true. This young man is an orphan.

For all of his 16 years of life so far, his needs have been funded by a mysterious character whom he knows nothing about. Stuff just conveniently appears at his doorstep. Food, clothing, miscellaneous technology, everything that a growing boy needs in order to have a fruitful life. Everything except, you know, parents. His predicament has become a running gag among him and his friends. They constantly poke fun at him being an orphan, and he doesn’t mind. If anything, he encourages as well as participates in the poking of the fun. The absence of any parental figures seems to have granted him morbidly selective thick skin. By that I mean he’s a lot more self-conscious about his weight than the fact that he has no parents. But these are all trivial details that are in no way integral to the plot.

No, seriously, they’re not.

Like, actually. I was just clarifying what I said in my tirade.

But you know what is important, however? This young man’s online alias! Which just so happens to be-